I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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