tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
