Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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