She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
