While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
