I'm pants shitting drunk right now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
