Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
