If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
