Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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