This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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