There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
