I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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