im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
