we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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