You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
