either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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