I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
