I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
