I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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