We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have aggressive nipples.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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