i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
