I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I cannot find my penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
