WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
whose parrot is this?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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