Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
