Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have fence marks all over my body
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
