Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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