i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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