Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
