at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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