This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
