make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
