guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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