Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
