Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
