Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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