shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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