Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
