Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
