allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
