remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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