The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
