My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
