1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
