we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
