Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
