I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
