i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
