did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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