I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
