we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
